this is insane.

ok. i have officially LOST my mind!
please be patient with me. :)
i have made another stinkin decision with this blog.
please understand me. :)
i miss typepad. BAD.
i miss the editing, the color options [dOrk, i know!], the layout,the content, the structure,the service...
i just cannot stand to think about deleting my account there.
i just cannot bare to think of all those entries full of my happenings & memories being erased forever with just a click of a button.
i just can't.
soooooo....yup. you guessed it.
i'm back at typepad. :)
eeeep! so, i'll just downgrade & only pay $4.95 a month. :)
annnnyways....i PROMISE i won't be changing hosts for a LONG time!
no password protect at this time.
find me here... if ya want!

some days...

some days..
i just don't feel like i'm good enough.
i just want to give up.
i am FED UP.
i am tired.
i care too much.
i don't try hard enough.
i'm distracted easy.
i feel alone.
i am aggravated.
i am distant.
i am confused.
i am actually quiet.
TODAY is one of those days.

give thanks.

so, thanksgiving is tomorrow & since i won't be around all day or the 3 days to follow, i'm posting the 'thankful' post now! :) i have to be honest, thanksgiving isn't my favorite holiday & i don't mean to offend when i say this, but it's actually not that big of a deal to me either. i honestly could do without the big meal, the napping, the desserts...i would rather just have good family time [which is really the only important thing to me anyway]. but on that note...i AM thankful for so many things. i feel the need to list them!
i'm thankful for:
-my family. i honestly don't know where i'd be without them. they make me laugh. make me mad. make me think. support & love me no matter what i do. they have my back when no one else does. they annoy the crap out of me! they put up with MY crap! i love them. they have shaped me into who i am today.
-friends. my friends are simply irreplacable. they keep me busy. they support me. they show they love me with IM's, phone calls,emails, visits even when i have made no efforts for a few days. they always know how to have a good time. they love me for me. i love them.
-my church. my faith. my salvation. my family there. knowing i have such a supportive group of people who believe the same way as i do. they're fun. they're real. the message is always clear & to the point. knowing i can count on them for anything. truly blessed.
-my job. as much as i hate it, i know God has me here for a reason. over the last few months i've begun to see why. the friendships i have here is amazing.women who listen to me talk, talk, talk about anything. or complain about everything! a growing field with tons of possibilities to excel, to advance within the company. a paycheck. great benefits. in a way, i guess i'm finally comfortable here.
-my mom. i know you're probably thinking, "shouldn't she be in the 'family' category?!"..but my mom is way too important not to have her own shoutout! :) i seriously cannot think of one person i am more thankful for than my mom. she's outstanding. i often don't give her the recognition she deserves, but i can say that without her, i truly would be nothing. she has been by my side my entire life. even when i treated her bad, even when she was so sick with cancer she couldn't get out bed, even when my dad was treating her like crap, even when she was working nonstop & trying to raise her family..she never once failed to ask me how I was, or what I was up to, or have a talk with me..to see what the latest was with me. she has never once been selfish. EVER. she's a giver. a do'er for everyone but herself. i am thankful for a mom who loves me, who supports me, who wants nothing but the very best for me. i am thankful that she is just as excited about my wedding as i am, that she cares enough to mark magazines with post-it notes, make phone calls to the reception hall, the cake lady, the DJ, the florist just to make sure my day is a perfect as possible. i am thankful that God didn't take her from all of us in 1992. i am beyond thankful for her love, her dedication, her being filled with nothing but good faith. i am thankful she is my mom.
-nate. my love. my soulmate. my best friend. my everything. no matter how cheesy it sounds, i love him with all my heart. i never, ever knew i could love someone so strongly as i do him. i am thankful he puts up with my bickering, my whining, my indecisiveness. i am thankful that he took the time to get to know me more than anyone has ever done. i'm thankful he called me that one night in august. i'm thankful he has such a big heart & open mind. i am thankful he's a christian. that he loves almost everything that i do, that he understands my past & supports my dreams for the future. i am thankful he loves me as much as i do him. i am thankful that he 'got' us...that he proposed & wants to spend the rest of his life with a whacko like me! ;) i am thankful he's mine.

i am thankful for so many more things, i can't even begin to list them all. i am way too blessed. God has been so good to me! this has been a crazy busy,good,stressful year & i am thankful that He has never left my side.

i'm also thankful today is my last day of work for 4 days!! :)
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!! check me on Monday!

for my own sanity.

i am a list-maker through & through.
even if i don't always FOLLOW the list, i enjoy the process anyways! *lol*
for some reason i have the urge to make a list today.
a wedding list.
for my own self. just because things are starting to slow down a bit w. the wedding planning for now & things are coming together, etc. i need to have this list if for no one but myself!
just gotta see it all down and who cares if the big day isn't for another 11 months?! ;)
cOlOrs: pink & orange
bridesmaids: megan [maid of honor],heather,jana,mindy,stephanie,tricia & tana [check]
groomsmen: dustin [best man],chris p. david, jeff,levi,kurt & one more my wonderful fiance has yet to decide upon! [check, for the most part!]
flower girl: lauren, nate's sister-"escort": dustin w.
ring bearer: bronson [eeep! talk about cute!]
# of guests invited: approx. 275
church: CFWB [check]
reception hall: Memories [check]
DJ: undecided [waiting on a call back-getting more mad by the day]
flowers: not 100% sure, but probably big & small roses with some extra petals thrown in somehow,somewhere! stem showing, tied with ribbon.
photography: tim w. [check! so excited about this one!]
invitations: making myself, along with the help of my mom & grandma, nate's mom & grandma & his mom's best friend...pink & orange matted...with pink & orange ribbon across. [gotta show the picture from the magazine here!]
favors: white "purse-like" boxes with a personalized stamp from Wendi Speciale!!! with pink & orange m&m's inside.
dress: can't say, but it gets a [check!] ;)
bridesmaids dresses: i know megan's will be pink for sure, then prolly every-other after that, style i'm not too picky about, i'd like them to all have different styles, but we'll decide on all that in february when we go dress shopping!
honeymoon: not going on one. staying at an inn for the night & then back home.
wedding bands: simple. think we found nate's...it's pretty perfect! white gold. nice. :)
cake: 4 tier,square,buttercream frosting,with small dots,no cake topper, just pink & orange flowers at the top & all down the one side,yellow & chocolate cake [check]

i am so excited to have a big wedding! only a couple weeks after nate & i started dating, were we talking about weddings. discussing what we liked & didn't like. we agreed on everything! i have always wanted a big wedding. so has he. 7 is my favorite #. so is his. i like pink. he likes orange. i love the fall. fall is his favorite season. i'm crafty. he likes my craftiness. [for the invites of course!] it just works perfectly!
it amazes me that i am planning & thinking of this wedding as much as i am. that i have as much done as i do...it may sound crazy to a lot of people, but seriously...in order to get things pretty much how you want them, you have to start as soon as possible & book things just as quick, because people do. not. wait. anymore! it's madness! things book so quick, i couldn't believe it! but, there's only so much you can do at certain times. i'm already finding out some days are just crazy busy & some are not. i think this winter will be pretty calm as far as planning goes, and i highly anticipate that! :)

i think she's a little excited!

doh! so, click on the pic & MAYBE you can read mom's notes! i couldn't get this any bigger! grrr! i miss typepad already! *lol*

i love weekends.
i do. for all the obvious reasons of course: NO WORK! i get to see nate as much as possible. i sometimes get to sleep in & i have the WHOLE day to do whatever [well, sometimes anyways!]
this weekend was one of those.
relaxed, yet full of things to do.
i loved it.
every single second of it.
lounging,nate [sooo cute. have i mentioned lately just how much i love him?! *wink*],eating out [no more of that, none! taco bell & chinese sure are good tho!],shopping with nate for wedding stuff [ribbon has been picked out & bought!!!],cuddling,napping [only got 3 hours of sleep saturday night!],NASCAR [boo on tony stewart winning the championship],cleaning,paper-writing,movies [highly recommend Crash if you haven't seen it!],friends at the grocery store [silly, i know..but i always a need a good dose of chit chat! :)]
in other happenings...
-i have this blog now...serious wedding budget is now in effect!
-got re-hired at the toy/scrap/stamp store i used to work at before starting as a med. biller last June...no interview, nothin! love it!! picking up about 30 extra hours a month...all for the wedding! yeyy!
-scrap space is clean...and ready to be made messy again! ;)
-cannot seem to find cardstock in my colors for my invitations...argh! any recommendations anyone?!
-only a 3 day work week [and this day is almost over!!]
-got 120 wedding favor boxes out of the 270 we need for the reception this weekend!
-speaking of favors, nate & i have decided to the above mentioned white boxes, tied with a pink or orange ribbon with pink & orange m&m's inside for each of our guests!
-i totally wish it were october, 2006! ok,realistically NOT...just for financial reasons.
-turkey day is comin...which means shopping for me this weekend!! [for Christmas only tho!]
-work has me hoppin today! LOTS of denials to work thru...love feeling motivated, rather than negative or tired! yeyyy!
-peanut m&m's are the devil!
and i must get back to it!